I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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