Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
