in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
