I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
