did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
