If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
40s are totally the cure
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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