They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
