You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
there is puke in my bra ... again
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
