This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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