What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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