im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
