I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Mom said you looked used
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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