i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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