Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
