plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
