I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
