So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
