I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When are your genitals available?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
