I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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