im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
