So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.