I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
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Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
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I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??