if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night