can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off