Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
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I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
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He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her