I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.