i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
