I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The best revenge is premature balding
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
