You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
