hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
