Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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