i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
