would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
