So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
