Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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