Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I smell stomach acid.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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