Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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