Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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