I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
