Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
