what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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