We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
