So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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