What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
