Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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