Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
