True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
