i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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