I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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