I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
