I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Mom said you looked used
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
