Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
