Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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