Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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