man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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