I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
