real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
