ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
