obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
