I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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