You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
