I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
