wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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