the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
