Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
