Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
