He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
