Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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