i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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