Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
