I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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