We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
