why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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