fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
